I Don’t Want to Wait – Kerr Smith

Where do I begin with this one? A show as special as Dawson’s Creek deserves an equally special book and boy did Kerr Smith deliver.

If you know me, then you know that Dawson’s Creek has been a part of my life since I was young. I often heard my parents talking about this show called Dawson’s Creek and the two of them were out of their minds excited on a family trip to LA when we were in The Grove and they found out James Van Der Beek was filming an episode of Extra while we were there. I didn’t know James, and honestly, I thought the name Dawson’s Creek was a weird name for a show. But I could see their excitement and I started feeling it myself, despite not knowing the man standing in front of us.

The summer before I started high school, my parents and I watched the series together. We finished the show the night before my freshman year, which, for a show as nostalgic as Dawson’s, feels symbolic. I will never forget the feeling of walking into high school for the first time, still high off the experience of being in Capeside. Young as I was, I understood the way that my chest was filled with nostalgia, even if I didn’t yet understand everything the characters had experienced. If you’ve seen the show, you know the nostalgia that the series churns up. It’s one of many things that makes the show so special and so relevant, all these years later.

Jack was my favorite character, Kerr Smith my favorite actor from the show. So when I heard Kerr was writing a book, I jumped at the chance to get my hands on it as fast as I could. What stuck out to me immediately was the tone in which Kerr told his story. He’s very conversational and very witty. He’s also very good at explaining things about the industry to someone who isn’t familiar with it, without making you feel dumb for not knowing.

With every episode and every memory Kerr described, I could feel the emotions he was describing and in a way, it felt like watching the show again for the first time.

I think it was compelling the way that Kerr included his own anecdotes, followed by pieces of dialogue from the scripts. It makes the words from the scripts hit differently, harder even than watching them on screen in some cases. I was also reminded, toward the end of the book, how few times I’ve watched the series finale (can you blame me!?). I loved Kerr’s insights and stories, but wow, the end of the book hit me hard. I don’t think I stopped crying from chapter 24 until the end of the book. Toward the beginning, I could see and I could feel everything Kerr was describing, but at chapter 24, my memories of the show were foggy and it felt like opening a wound that had almost healed.

I’ve been so lucky over the years – I’ve met John Wesley Shipp, who is truly one of the kindest humans I’ve ever met. I’ve been able to meet Kerr, I met James, and I loved the way Kerr described his relationship with James, particularly at the conventions they made appearances at together, because I experienced some of that with them. I was at the 90s Con that Kerr describes in the book, when he and James had tables next to each other and I truly am so grateful for that day and for that convention. I didn’t realize that would be the only time I would be able to meet James, but I am grateful for it every day. There are no words that can adequately describe my gratitude. James was kind, he was humble, and I miss him every day, even though I did not know him personally. He was someone who had been a part of my life for so many years, and it hit me very hard when I learned he passed away. It still hits me hard. The tributes Kerr included in this book are beautiful and I feel lucky for having been able to read them.

There isn’t a single episode of Dawson’s that I watch with a dry eye, and it’s only gotten worse the older I get and since we lost James.

If you are a fan of this show and this cast, I really cannot recommend this book enough. It was like a trip up the creek, a trip up the ladder into Dawson’s room, a trip back home. Well done, Kerr. Thank you for sharing this with us.

And thank you to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

The only thing I’m left wondering after I finished the book – and do feel free to correct me if I’m wrong – is where Joshua Jackson was. I do not mean this as criticism, but it does feel like Kerr was able to converse with every other cast member in researching for this book, but I don’t see Josh included in those interviews. I’m curious if he did not want to be part of it, or if it’s something else.