The Happy Place Effect … Again?

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting in the latter of the year. To be honest, this has been the hardest year of my life. I’ve dealt with loneliness, with loss, and with my mental health in a way I never have before.

I referenced this last year when I first wrote about Emily Henry’s novel Happy Place. You can read that here. The reason I wrote about this before is because I was having a tough week, and to try to help with that, I picked up Happy Place. Yes, I already knew the book wasn’t all happy. But I also knew it was going to help me think. And it did.

I was able to really reflect on the place I was at in my life and I was in a better position to go after what I wanted after reading the book.

So when I started struggling again this year, I tried to fix it with the knowledge I gained, but it didn’t help. To be honest, I started spiraling even more. I was feeling so sad, every day. I was feeling like I was doing things out of obligation, not out of desire. There were days I didn’t want to talk to people and there were days when I leaned on people in ways I never have before. I’m not a good leaner, but I realized I needed to be.

I have so many people – I don’t think we realize how much people love us until we need them. And as much as I wish it didn’t take struggle or strife for us to realize this, I’m happy to know how many people I have in my corner and how many people I would be there for in a heartbeat if they needed me.

Even so, I was feeling this crippling sense of loneliness. A type of loneliness I’ve never experienced. When I wrote about Happy Place last year, I wrote about how I thrive being on my own. And suddenly, I wasn’t just on my own, but I was feeling alone. There’s a difference. In the right situation, I’m content in solitude. But what I’m not content with is feeling alone. I know I have all of these wonderful, beautiful, special people in my life, and even when I was physically with them, I felt this crippling loneliness I’ve never felt before.

The loneliness, coupled with my deep-rooted sadness… I didn’t know what to do.

And then, my boyfriend at the time lost someone very close to him. And now, it wasn’t just my world I wanted to fix, it was his.

I have this notorious habit, thinking everything is just always going to be okay. That even if someone gets sick, it’s fine, they’re going to be fine. And this year taught me that that’s not the case.

I should point out, I always knew that it wasn’t the case, but I guess I was lucky enough in my life to let myself keep believing it was.

But suddenly, here I was, being forced to understand and accept that things don’t always work out the way we want. That we experience loss and it’s not okay, but it has to be. The world’s going to keep moving. It’s like that quote from Tuesdays With Morrie – “My old professor, meanwhile, was stunned by the normalcy of the day around him. Shouldn’t the world stop? Don’t they know what has happened to me?”

And shouldn’t it have? But it never does stop.

So here I was. I needed to figure out how to put the pieces of my life back together. And I felt like it was my job now to put his world back together too. It was a task I never could have accomplished, but I still tried.

We’d been dating over a year at this point. We dated for almost six months before we made things official. But the label didn’t matter to me, I loved him before we defined anything about the relationship, and the irony is that I never even told him. And it turns out, at the end of the relationship, the label didn’t really matter either. Before we broke up, I was already starting to have to accept that we weren’t really in much of a relationship anymore. While he was coming to grips with the end of a relationship of his, I was starting to come to terms with the end of mine, silently.

As I tried to figure myself out this summer and bleeding into this fall, I was feeling this sadness over not being able to not feel sad. And I was also grieving this person I had never met. I was crying day in and day out, over a person I didn’t know. And I didn’t feel entitled to any of my grief.

I didn’t think it was fair that this loss was hitting me so hard and I didn’t think it was fair to share any of those feelings with my boyfriend. Why would the loss be affecting me so much when I didn’t even know the person, and how could I ask him to comfort me, when he was dealing with so much worse?

I just put on a good face whenever I could. Sometimes, I surprised even myself with how good I was at it. And other times, I felt like my broken pieces would never be able to fit back together.

So that’s when I picked up Happy Place again. I remembered how much reflecting I did last year when I read it, so what would make this year different? I’d probably get more out of it, right?

Kind of. Just not how I thought.

The book hit way too close to home this time. In the novel, the main character Harriet is coming off a breakup. For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to say that the reason Harriet and Wyn broke up is because when Wyn was dealing with the loss of his father, Harriet felt like she needed to be the one who kept it all together. She felt like she needed to let Wyn feel his emotions, that she needed to be supportive, but not needy. To be okay when he wasn’t. To not ask too much, or to ask anything of him. She knew he was dealing with something much larger than she was and how could she let her emotions take precedence?

This was eye opening for me last year because I firmly stated I never wanted to be like Harriet when it came to dealing with loss and grief and relationships. I wanted to put my best foot forward and go after what I wanted and tell my boyfriend (who wasn’t yet my boyfriend) how I felt. And I did. We started officially dating two days after I posted The Happy Place Effect. And I was so proud of myself for initiating the conversation and really putting out there what I wanted.

But when I read the book this summer, I realized that yes, I did that. But I didn’t keep doing it. In fact, I actually did exactly what I said I didn’t want to do. I reverted back to the chill, go-with-the-flow type of girl in our relationship. And when dealing with grief, I did exactly what Harriet did. I put his emotions above my own (to be honest though, I still stand by that), but I also didn’t ask for too much, I tried to talk about my emotions as little as possible, I tried to need as little as possible. But I wasn’t being fair to myself, and if I’m really honest, it wasn’t that fair to him either.

We’ve broken up since, and I’ve realized one big, big thing: no matter how fast and how far I run, I’m still there. My struggles and my emotions, they’re still there. Okay, I didn’t just realize this, I stole the quote from Love, Rosie by Cecelia Ahern. The actual quote is this: You can run and run as fast and as far as you like, but the truth is, wherever you run, there you are.

I read this quote for the first time over a decade ago, it’s from my favorite book. I bookmarked it because I liked it, but it didn’t resonate until now. Now, I can see just how true it is and how strongly I’ve felt it this fall.

My problems from this spring are still here. I’m still trying to figure out why I’m not finding fulfillment in my job or my daily life the way I used to. I’m still feeling lonely, even when I’m not alone. Only difference now is that I’m facing all of this as a single woman, but a boyfriend isn’t supposed to fix those things. Those are things that I need to fix inside of myself before I can ever imagine sharing my life with someone else.

I’ve been keeping myself so busy this fall – I traveled to Hawaii by myself, something I’ve wanted to do for years. It’s the farthest I’ve been from home, and I did it alone, and I was happy to. I visited my college roommate on the island, one of my dearest friends in the world, but I flew alone, and I had most days to myself while she worked. I’m proud of the journey and I’m grateful for the time I was able to spend with my friend. We haven’t time together like that since college. I’ve also been writing, I’m actually within reach of finishing a workable manuscript for a novel I’ve been writing for years. I’ve taken myself to concerts. I got my ear pierced, something I’ve been saying I wanted to do since before college. My cousin, one of my favorite people in the world, visited a couple weeks ago.

I’m doing things for myself, things that are making me happy and things I should be proud of (and I am proud of them), but I’m still here, wondering why it doesn’t feel like it’s enough, wondering why I still feel empty. I keep running – I’m keeping myself so busy, and yet, the second I stop, I remember everything I left behind. I feel it all.

I still have things to figure out. I realize this. I don’t know what the solutions are. I don’t know how to make every single day a good one. But I do know the type of happiness I’m striving for, the type of bone deep happiness you can only feel when you’re fulfilled by yourself, not by any external stimuli.

I might not be there yet, but I do think I’m on the right track. And if I’m not, then I’ll figure it out. I trust myself and I trust that the people I’ve surrounded myself with will continue to support me.

Why link any of this to Happy Place? Because I love this book. I love this story and these characters. I love fiction and I especially love when fiction can help me look at my own life and see where I need to improve. Even if I don’t actually succeed at making and maintaining the change on my first try.

And the bigger point: if you’re struggling, you don’t have to face it alone. You have an army standing behind you, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. At the end of the day, YOU have to be the one to solve your problems, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who can help guide you ♡

We Fell Apart – E. Lockhart

We Fell Apart – 4/5 ✩

We Fell Apart by E. Lockhart is a stunning addition to the world of We Were Liars. It follows Matilda, a teenager who’s never met her father. When an invitation to visit him arrives out of the blue, she jumps at the chance and jumps on a plane across the country. When she gets there, though, nothing is as she expected and her father’s not even there. Instead, she meets Meer, Brock, Tatum, and June, all of whom help and hinder her journey to discover her roots.

E. Lockhart is, hands down, one of the most talented writers. She writes with a simplicity I can only strive to achieve, yet, nothing about her writing is simple. Her work is detailed and multi-leveled, her characters original and filled with such a depth that they feel real on the page, as do their struggles.

As someone who loved We Were Liars or Family of Liars, I thought this was a beautiful addition to the Sinclair’s story. It was fun to explore new characters and step into their stories, but still see the connection to Beechwood Island. The tone of the novel is much like the two that came before it – mysterious and nostalgic and I was continuously grasping for more as I read. I also thought that the connection to Beechwood Island was wonderful. I wasn’t sure how the novels would tie together, but I think it was so well done.

Absolutely would recommend!

Thank you to Random House Children’s Books and NetGalley for the ARC!

Overdue – Stephanie Perkins

Overdue – 5/5 ✩

Overdue by Stephanie Perkins is a beautiful debut adult romance novel that follows Ingrid Dahl, a woman who is adjusting to single life after getting out of an 11 year relationship.

When I started this novel, I expected a quick, easy romance and boyyyy did this book surprise me. This book has depth that romance novels don’t often have and it was long in a way that felt like the gift that keeps on giving. I could’ve read so many more chapters of this book and still want more.

Ingrid is such a wonderful protagonist – she feels SO real on the page. As a reader, you feel all her emotions and you feel like you grow with her. She makes comments throughout her narration that all of us feel but don’t always say, and this made me feel connected with her in a way that’s rare with book characters. You understand the moments she feels like a shell of herself, you empathize with how much she covets the things she feels she cannot have but sees other people have, you understand the moments when she feels directionless, and you blossom in her growth as she takes steps toward the life she’s always wanted for herself.

Nothing in this book feels surface level and while it’s a romance, the romance isn’t the most important thing on the page, it’s Ingrid’s growth. And it feels like a gift to see her grow.

Plus, as book lover, the love for books is palpable, making it even more special.

Thanks NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for the eGalley in exchange for an honest review!

The Friendship Fling – Georgia Stone

The Friendship Fling – 4/5 ✩

The Friendship Fling by Georgia Stone is fun, grumpy/sunshine romance that follows Ava and Finn as they explore London together over the course of a summer. This friendship of convenience is only supposed to last the summer, but as they grow closer and begin opening up to each other more and more, they both start to wonder if this is a relationship they really can allow to end.

Ava and Finn are such polar opposite characters – Ava is stoic and grumpy and afraid to let people in, whereas Finn is optimistic and extraverted and sometimes too willing to give someone a second chance. By pairing these two juxtaposing characters together, Stone was able to craft what felt like a realistic, loving relationship between two people who really just needed to find their person.

The foundation of their friendship allowed these two to not only feel comfortable opening up to somebody new, but open themselves up to love as well and it read beautifully on the page.

The Friendship Fling also was a fun exploration of the city of London. As someone who’s never been to London before, this book make me want to see the city more than ever before!

This was a beautiful debut and I’m thrilled for Georgia Stone – I’m already looking forward to the prospect of another Georgia Stone novel!

Thanks to NetGalley and Harper Perennial and Paperbacks – HarperCollins Publishers for the Advance reader’s e-proof!

We Were Liars – Real Time Reactions

This show is literally my entire personality and I’m not sorry.

I think I made it abundantly clear in my last post how excited I was (and still am!) for Julie Plec and Carina MacKenzie’s new series We Were Liars on Prime and when it came out yesterday, I sat down and watched the entire series in one sitting.

Crazy behavior, I know. But I couldn’t resist. It was amazing. I feel like I was ripped apart, put back together, ripped apart again, and now I’m still trying to figure out how to put my pieces back together again. Something about this story altered my brain chemistry.

I’m a little sad I didn’t savor the moment a little bit more, but I was SO excited for this show and I needed to see how everything came together in the end.

We Were Liars is such a beautiful story with such gut wrenching twists and I was so curious to see how that would translate from the page to the screen. I don’t think the emotions in this book are something that are easy to bring to the screen, but Julie and Carina did such an amazing job.

E. Lockhart’s book captures beautiful and scary emotions, innocent love and the harsh realities of society, and to take on a project like that, to adapt something with the bar set so high, must have been daunting.

As a fan, it was a little nerve wracking wondering if the series would be able to do all these elements of the novel justice, but as I’ve said before, I knew, deep in my bones, that if there were two people who could do it, it was Julie Plec and Carina MacKenzie.

And they did it.

Here Are Some General Comments About the Series

Be warned: If you haven’t watched the show, this WILL spoil the entire season.

  • This has to be one of the best page to screen adaptations I’ve ever seen, if not The Best one. Genuinely. No biases here, truly one of the best.
  • It was weird seeing Candice King play a MOM. I’m used to seeing her play Caroline Forbes, a teenager, but she played this role so. incredibly. well. It just took some time for me to transition into her being one of the adults, not one of the kids.
  • Julie and Carina made this world so much bigger than the book and it WORKS.
    • It’s normal for things to change between books and visual mediums, yet I often get angry when that happens (even though I know it’s impossible for things to be 100% identical). I think the world that was created in this show though worked. Nothing felt far fetched and the things that happened in the show that weren’t in the book felt like blanks that were filled in, not completely new worlds that were concocted.
    • I think it helps that both Julie and Carina had been genuine fans/readers of the book before adapting it. To me, it felt like they understood what it meant to be in the shoes of a viewer/fan as much as they understood what it meant to be in the shoes of a showrunner.
  • I think the writers did so well creating characters we both love AND hate.
    • The sisters, for example. They have such lovable and hatable qualities, but we really get to SEE each of them and I don’t think that’s the case with every show.
  • A Few Differences I noticed / Things I Missed in the Show
    • Because the timelines are a little different and screens trigger Cady’s headaches in the show, she doesn’t try to contact the Liars in the show after Summer 16 like she did in the book and that makes sense. What I did miss though is the scene between Mirren and Cadence where Mirren admits she didn’t read the emails Cady sent. That scene made me really emotional when I read the book and I loved it.
    • I really like Johnny’s lines in the book (chapter 84) where he says, ““We can’t stay much longer, it’s getting harder and harder…Mirren’s got it the worst, but Gat and I are feeling it, too…Cady, I love you, but I’m fucking tired. I just want to lie down and be done. All this happened a very long time ago, for me.”
      • I felt very broken when I read this part of the book (in a satisfying kind of way, like E. Lockhart did her job) and I missed this in the show.
      • That is not to say I didn’t feel the same kind of brokenness though when I watched the show because I did. The scenes where Cadence said goodbye to the Liars literally tore me apart inside and for that reason, I think the adaption held up to this scene from the book. It was portrayed differently, but the essence was still there, and to me, that’s what matters.
        • Moreover, while I didn’t love the way Cadence found out the truth about the accident, the Scrabble scene made me cry (a lot) and I think the emotions from the book were done justice in the show with the way each goodbye between the Liars was portrayed (aka, completely gutting)
  • The music enhanced the viewing experience SO MUCH.
    • I’m not sure how much say Carina had in the music, but all of it feels so Carina-coded. But beyond that, Chris Mollere (the show’s music supervisor) has never once let me down. The music that he curates for television is incredible, his skill is admirable.
  • Emily’s narration/voiceovers were amazing.
  • The set up for a potential second season is BRILLIANT
    • Comments like: the daughter who never grew up, Bess talking about her Summer 17, and Johnny not being able to leave.
  • It hurt to see Carrie wearing Johnny’s sweatshirt in the present day and then we flash back to Johnny wearing that exact sweatshirt 😦

Because it’s me, I couldn’t JUST give general comments…

I am long winded… So I feel like I need to breakdown each episode and get into the nitty gritty.

I really want to sit with the series, to watch again but more slowly this time, to take in the things I might have missed, but I also knew I wanted to capture my emotions in the moment during my first full watch through. I kept my phone on do not disturb while I watched last night, but I had my notes app open to jot down what I was thinking and feeling while watching.

What I’m going to share below is everything I wrote down while I watched. I’m sure that this probably won’t be the last post I share about We Were Liars, but I think this one is special because aside from grammar and making my bullet points into actual sentences, there’s nothing I’m adding or omitting, this is exactly what I felt in the moment when I watched.

*If I quote something from the show, I tried to get the quote as accurate as possible, but I was trying to type fast. They might not be exactly word for word.

Episode 1

  • Quote: “Filled with kings and queens and castles.”
    • I love the connection to the book and how these pieces of narration and storytelling were incorporated into the show. These stories were so prevalent in Cadence’s narration in the book and I like that it’s still included in the show, but in a different capacity.
  • I love the presentation of the island and the map. I didn’t physically the read the book, I’ve only listened to it, but I do have a physical copy of the book and I noticed the map at the beginning of the book and I like this connection. I also think it’s helpful for viewers because for most, if not all of us, this is a foreign world to us. Not many of us have our own private islands and this helped to make things more clear.
  • I love the camera work – the closeups WORK
  • This show makes me so nostalgic. It’s like a feeling in my body I can’t describe, a longing that it makes me feel.
    • Not many pieces of art make me feel the way this does, but it reminds me of how I felt watching Dawson’s Creek and The Summer I Turned Pretty or reading books like Every Summer After and Love and Other Words.
  • The scene where Gat asks Cadence if he’s forgiven during the meteor shower… I literally just want to cry.
    • It’s so teenage love and it’s captured SO PERFECTLY. Even down to Cadence’s expressions… This feeling of young love is captured perfectly.
  • The inflection when Cadence narrates and says “we were liars” at the end of the episode is WILD. The way Emily Alyn Lind does voiceovers is incredible, she has the perfect voice for it.

Episode 2

  • The way the scenes transition between the shots of the eye at the beginning of the episode… SO GOOD
  • When Cady is talking to the Liars when she returns to Beechwood in Summer 17 and Penny comes to get her and she only talks to/acknowledges Cady is GENIUS
  • The writing and the double meanings are brilliant, especially quotes from Harris.
    • Two quotes that stuck out to me: “Never let a dog forget his place…think he’s human.” & “Watch yourself. Or you could get hurt.”
  • I liked Cadence and Gat’s conversation about memories and warping them if you think on them too much (like playing a record too much)
    • It’s a quote like this I WISH I could write. My brain doesn’t even conceptualize something like that when I’m brainstorming, but this writing… it’s incredible.
  • “We just made out, right?” / “Yeah.”
    • UGH THE LOOKS THEY SHARE. Literally just tear me apart
  • Harris is such an ass with the painting
  • When giving Harris presents on Father’s Day you hear “My King” from Bess and “Princess Penny” and I think this is a BRILLIANT way to incorporate Cadence’s stories and fairytales from the book without having to narrate each of them in the show.
  • Two other things that stuck out to me:
    • “They [Sinclair rules] work if you follow them” – Penny to Cady
    • Harris’ favorite will be the one (Rosemary) who didn’t grow up 

Episode 3

  • “Dwelling on the past is a dull man’s pursuit” – Harris is such a hypocrite for this quote
  • To me, Harris calling Cadence Mirren hit harder in the book
  • Penny to Cady – “If you follow the rules, eventually nothing can hurt you.”
  • The funeral is just so uncomfortable and the lack of ability to show grief is insane to me.
    • It makes me so grateful that I don’t come from a family like that.
  • I love way that we see how dogs/animals can humanize people (i.e. Penny with the Goldens) 
  • The juxtaposition between Cady’s parents speaks volumes: Her dad letting her let her emotions out vs. Penny (and all of the Sinclairs) forcing her to keep them in.
  • The HURT I feel watching her lie to Gat… With the cover of Collide in the background… Enough to DESTROY me

Episode 4

  • The comments about vampires made me giggle because of Julie and Carina’s roles in the tvdu
  • The Alanis Morissette song… Reminds me of Roswell (Where’s Rosa Ortecho?!)
  • Mirren says “Weird cancels out hot” and it reminded me of the line from Vampire Diaries “Hot trumps weird” and it made me giggle again
  • I don’t like Ebon’s accent. As someone who was born and raised on the South Shore in Massachusetts, his accent felt very exaggerated to me and not realistic. It also kind of came and went and wasn’t consistent. I know I’m biased for this one though.

Episode 5

  • I love the shot of the boat from above
  • Gat saying “I’m on the fucking swim team” made me LOL
  • Quotes that stuck out to me:
    • “Cheating on him is not open air.”
    • “That money was your only ticket.”
  • Esther absolutely KILLED the scene in the lighthouse with Candice
  • The underwater scenes on this show really speak to me. They feel so powerful and important.
  • The parallel I Love You scenes with Cadence and Gat – ABSOLUTE GOLD

Episode 6

  • A quote that really spoke to me: “Even the most important rulers tend to be afraid of tiny mice.” / “The mouse stayed for so long he forgot he was a knight once. Somewhere else.”
  • The scene where Penny tells Cady she already told her about what really happened the night of the accident… OUCH, just RIP ME OPEN. I didn’t expect to cry the way I did during this scene.
  • It was interesting to meet Gat’s mom, I wasn’t expecting that.
  • Gat says, “Harris only cares people are miserable under his power.” and that speaks VOLUMES
  • Harris is a such a douche
    • Getting Gat away from the island for the last few days and for the following summer too… Then inviting his mother to the island… that motherfucker.
  • The fact that as a viewer, we can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake is incredible. I didn’t notice a change in lighting or anything, so I felt like everything we saw happening between Cadence and Gat in Summer 17 was real
    • Parts I’m referencing: Cady having an episode in the bookstore, then kissing Gat as he consoles her. Then, they get ice cream and watch the sunset and talk about Wuthering Heights and it turns out, Penny needed to rescue her.
  • Gat… My Gat… Making me TEAR UP – “I don’t care where you are I’ll follow you and that’s it.” 😭

Episode 7

  • In the book, Cadence is an unreliable narrator and that can be really hard to bring from page to screen, but I love the way that it’s portrayed in the show.
    • Example: Cadence telling Mirren she doesn’t think she can trust her memory anymore.
  • I got a bit frustrated with Mirren when she was telling Cadence to leave Gat alone AND that she can’t feel bad for her. Knowing Mirren’s fate, I understand this, but also like … be nice to my girl Cady.
    • But we see this in the book, where Mirren admits she’s been full of rage and jealous of Cadence and mad at the rest of the family (chapter 84)
  • The scene where Bonnie asked Cadence for a ghost story and she responds saying “Ask Mirren.” and Bonnie says, “Hilarious.” – I thought this scene was absolutely brilliant.
  • She didn’t tell the actual story, but I love the quote starting with “King with three beautiful princesses!” – I looooove including this from the book. (referencing the repetition of the stories of the “king who had three beautiful daughters”
    • Also in this episode, Cady tells the story about the daughters facing the dragon and they all they all die and the question of who killed the daughters – the dragon or the king – is posed. This story is told in the book in chapter 20.
  • Harris is gross, like when he says to Cady: “I know you can’t resist a charitable cause.”
  • This family genuinely always looks (on the outside) like there isn’t a piece out of place. Even the taffy bag that Harris buys Cadence looks like a Tiffany bag.
  • The transition in this episode between the pearls breaking from Penny’s neck to the white tennis balls on the ground was SO GOOD
  • The plating of the food at dinner and the synchrony of the sisters taking a bite was so satisfying.
  • “If you’re going crazy, it’s your own damn choice” – Harris. Goddamn.
    • Crazy that Harris is deciding what each child DESERVES inheritance wise.
  • “I have high standards, Cadence, I will not apologize for them” – Harris (on Gat and Ed, really)
    • Followed by the quote: “For Christ sakes, Cadence, I’m a democrat.” LOL, as if you can say you’re not racist because you’re a democrat. Racist behavior would prevail in Harris’ character no matter the party he claims he identifies with.
  • This episode is the first time Johnny seemed mature to me, particularly when he was talking to Carrie about her addiction.
  • This observation/prediction I’m actually very proud of–
    • I wrote: “Waaaaaaait episode 1…. They’re talking about her asking if he’s real…. Is she going to ask him that again in episode 8…. When she realizes they are [Gat, Johnny, and Mirren] not real….?”
  • I love Johnny dancing to Old Time Rock & Roll. The 80s movies references are minimal but noticeable and I like it (i.e. during Two Truths and a Lie when Gat references The Breakfast Club)

Episode 8

  • “See you in a better world” 🥺
    • This type of [iconic] quote reminds me of “I Remember Everything” from Dawson’s Creek.
  • I love the irony of the thing that built the Sinclair empire being the thing that also burnt it down.
  • The shot of Cadence running away with her dress burning blended with a flashback of the dogs … omg
  • I loved the quote Mirren said: “The family noise of love.” [about the pearls]
  • I don’t think I love the how everything about That Night was revealed to us… I don’t hate it, I just don’t think I love it either.
  • I loved seeing Penny’s development, especially when she said to Cady, ““Normal. Sadness is always seeping.” I don’t think the Penny from episode 1 or even episode 3 [the funeral episode] could have said this.
  • Ok but Cady’s goodbye with Johnny – just fucking kill me. I’m sobbing over here.
  • Seeing the littles by the hammock… It’s so sad/emotional to me. It’s the new generation.
  • Sweet Mirren… ‘I don’t think anyone ever saw me’
    • I liked Mirren throughout the series, but she had her moments where she irritated me. THIS scene between her and Cady though really broke me and made me LOVE her.
  • Holy fucking shitballs. Harris is just fucking awful STILL
  • The parallel between Bess and Mirren hit SO HARD: Bess wants people to SEE HER [Mirren] when they see Mirren’s art and when they see her piece in the gallery.
    • Then, when Ebon walks by the gallery, it felt like he really did see her ghost standing there. Also, in general, it felt like he really was the one who saw her.
  • Bess had her moments where I wanted to just knock her on the side of the head, but when she said “I forgot to just love them.” that broke something inside of me
  • YOOOOO the back door to a potential season 2 when Bess says summer 16 (HER summer 16)???
  • Cadence and Gat: “I knew you’d chase me.” “Always.” / “Are you real?” / “I don’t know.”
    • I KNEW IT! I LOVE IT!
  • The family pictures:
    • I love that Ed came back and I’m SHOCKED Harris was willing to include him in the picture??
    • I’m also shocked Penny said it’s Cady’s choice to be in the picture or not
  • “In a better world.” – This quote wrecked me
    • I think at this point in the episode, I was just so crazy emotional, but this quote really just got me good.
    • It reminds me of the quote in Waitress the Musical where Dr. Pomatter says “Another Lifetime.” and that quote breaks me every single time.
  • One Last Time – The Liars jumping in the water
    • What stood out to me: Gat, Mirren, and Johnny in white, while Cady is the only one in blue.
    • Under the water, it’s the Liars when they’re kids, in a world where they never grow up
    • Above the water, it’s just Cady, alone. The one who did grow up, who is going to grow up.
  • I feel so proud of Cady: She doesn’t wear the pearls for the picture and she doesn’t help with the article
  • THE TRANSITION FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END: Now, Cadence says, “My name is Cadence Eastman.” vs. “My name is Cadence Sinclair Eastman.” AND she gets rid of the pearls!
  • “Liars are Forever.”
  • I’m so sad that Carrie relapsed
    • But the “OH” I let out at the end… That was a twist I wasn’t expecting [her seeing Johnny too]
      • So my question is: Did she see him the whole time? Like when she was looking at his phone?
        • Is this a setup for content to come?

What I Want to Do Now

  • Rewatch the series and allow myself to take it all in again. I know I missed things and I really want to absorb all of it.
    • I also really want to pay attention to the episode titles. I didn’t do that when I watched this time.

After waiting years for this show and building it up so much in my head, I am SO impressed with the final product. It made me laugh, smile, cry, think about the society we live in… I really can’t recommend it enough (I’ve recommended it to literally EVERYONE I know) and I’m so happy seeing such positive response to the series on social media.

I’m not sure if it will happen, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for some sort of We Were Liars panel or event at San Diego Comic Con next month! I want this show to get all the exposure it deserves!!

So happy for Carina, Julie, E. Lockhart and all of the cast and crew involved!

We Were Liars

I had the absolute pleasure of going to the world premiere of the upcoming Prime series We Were Liars and I have nothing but praise!

I have been counting down to this show for years (yes, YEARS. Almost THREE, in fact), and while the details get fuzzy on how everything initially played out, I CAN distinctly remember where I was when I found out this book was being adapted: sitting in a restaurant parking lot in my hometown waiting for a to-go order.

To you reading this, I know that sounds like a little moment, but to me, it was one of those moments where I knew things were going to change for me.

At the time, I was a HUGE fan of Carina MacKenzie and Julie Plec and We Were Liars was on my radar, but I hadn’t read the book yet. All I knew was that if Carina and Julie were part of the project, I was going to be deeply invested in it.

I was just over a year out of college, determined to move to Los Angeles and forge my own writing career, and when anyone asked me who my inspirations were, my answer was firmly Carina MacKenzie, Julie Plec, and Kevin Williamson. The Vampire Diaries universe and Dawson’s Creek were a huge part of my adolescence and part of the reason why I wanted to pursue a career in writing.

After seeing the We Were Liars announcement, I immediately checked out an audiobook of the novel and on a single train ride a couple of days later, I started and finished the audiobook. I was HOOKED. Would I have lied to myself and still said I was excited for the project even if I didn’t like the book? Of course. But I listened to that book with tears streaming down my cheeks on the Amtrak and I ran to Goodreads to give it a 5 star rating (which is not an easy feat for me).

The book was powerful, it was poignant, it was socially relevant, it had romance, it made me laugh, it made me CRY, and in a single train ride, it became one of my very favorite books.

Later that fall, a company held their inaugural Vampire Diaries convention in Covington, Georgia and I was planning to attend. I had met Julie Plec in passing a couple of times, but never had the chance to have a real conversation with her and I had never met Carina before, and suddenly, announcements came that both of them would be in attendance and I didn’t even know what to do with myself.

As soon as tickets went on sale for meet and greets, I bought one with Julie. I wasn’t leaving anything up to chance. When you look up to someone the way I looked up to Julie, there is nothing in the world that could seem more important than the idea of just being in her presence, her genius. The meet and greet ended up being just myself, Julie, and two other people. It was an opportunity for us to meet her as much as it was an opportunity for her to meet us. I hadn’t envisioned THE Julie Plec ever asking me a question, and suddenly, there she was, curious to pick our brains. And of course, I found the time to ask about We Were Liars. She wasn’t able to give much detail, but here we were, getting the first little nuggets of information about the show.

Carina was a little bit more tricky. I couldn’t purchase a ticket to meet her, but I wasn’t going to let the opportunity to meet her, finally, pass me by. We were at the same event and I was going to meet her, goddamn it!

I remember asking everyone if they knew what time Carina would be signing. I had this notebook I wanted her and Julie to sign, a little nod to my budding writing career. I was in a writing rut and I figured there was no better way to get out of said rut than to ask advice from my favorite writers.

When no one had answers at the event about when and where she’d be signing, I tweeted her. I don’t remember how many I sent, I feel like it couldn’t have been much because I was too self conscious to spam her (I save that notorious behavior for close friends only), but when I did finally get the chance to meet her, Carina knew me by name. So… Maybe I did tweet one too many times, but like I said, I wasn’t going to let the opportunity pass me by to meet her and she was so kind when we did finally get to meet face to face.

Photos with Julie and Carina from that first convention!

Since then, I’ve been been able to meet Carina a handful of times, and each time, I’ve asked her the same question: What can you tell us about We Were Liars? And the last few times, she’s laughed as she acknowledged the fact that I do, in fact, ask that same question every time we see each other.

I wasn’t trying to be repetitious, really. But as development and production and filming progressed, the more information (I hoped) there was to share. And each time, she was able to share more little details, and now, we’re FINALLY just days away from the show’s release.

When I got to the theater for the premiere, I didn’t know what to expect. I was alone, I felt a little bit out of place and WILDLY underdressed and sweaty after walking nearly 30 blocks to get there. I’ve only been to one other film premiere and it was years ago, so it felt surreal to me to be standing in front of the theater where all the actors and creatives were taking photos and doing interviews.

I was standing there, clutching my copy of We Were Liars and quite honestly, just holding back the tears that were threatening to spill out. To my friends or to Carina, it probably seems like I’m just a big fan of the book and that I’m excited for the show, which, yes, I am.

But it goes deeper than that. When a piece of art touches your heart the way that We Were Liars touched mine, no amount of excitement, press, or talking about the show is going to be able to capture what being there meant to me or what finally seeing the show in its entirety will mean to me. I can try here, but I can promise that it won’t do those feelings inside justice.

When I sat down in my seat in the theater, my hands were shaking and I couldn’t stop them. I felt so PROUD hearing Julie and Carina speak before the screening. To hear and to see that their hard work coming to fruition, to see an event being hosted that couldn’t have ever happened without them, to see their happiness and gratitude, to see how excited the people around me were… I could feel the threat of those tears even stronger now.

As the two episodes played, I sat there mesmerized. For nearly an hour and a half, I was on Beechwood Island, my heart pounding with Cadence as her romance with Gat started budding, my rage building as the Sinclair family acted as the Sinclair family does (iykyk), and to experience it with a whole theater of people was incredibly special.

For that hour and change, we shared laughs, we shared gasps, and my happiness for the team of individuals who were a part of this production swelled (and yes, the tears finally did spill, just a little).

I feel I can’t say much more about the specifics of the episodes because it would KILL me to spoil anything, , but what I will say is that I loved every moment of the two episodes we saw. This show was brought to life by fans of the book; it will hold up for the fans of the book, I can feel it in my bones.

I loved seeing the way little elements from the book came to life on the screen (I will say more on this once the show is released). Even things that didn’t necessarily seem like they could be brought from page to screen, I already felt them there, in the essence of the show, and I give the creative team major props for this. The music also has such an important role in these episodes, which I predict will continue. If you’ve ever watched a show Carina has worked on, you know the importance of music and I give her and the music supervisor(s?) major credit for it.

A fan of Julie and Carina or not, I will be recommending this show to everyone I know. I truly can’t wait to see how the twist(s) at the end of the novel are adapted for the screen, and while I am typically a defender of reading the book first, I will share what I have heard Julie say recently: If you want to watch the show and haven’t read the book yet, watch the show first.

The twists will blow your mind and I wish I could see your faces when you see how this thrilling story comes together in the end.

Carina, if you see this, I’m sorry I’ve asked you time after time to tell me more about We Were Liars. Maybe now you’ll understand a little bit more why I was doing so. I know you were joking when you said you didn’t know what you’d do if I didn’t like the show and when you teased after the premiere that mine was the only opinion you cared about, but when I told you how much I loved the episodes, I hope that you know that I wasn’t joking. You took such a special piece of art and adapted it into something equally as special. I feel so lucky to have been able to be at the premiere and to be supporting this journey you’re on and I’m so proud of the work you’ve put into this project. I can’t wait to see the show in its entirety, I will be supporting it ’til the very end.

For you who haven’t read E. Lockhart’s book yet, check it out here and don’t miss out on the show when it hits Prime on Wednesday, June 18th.

The Blonde Who Came in from the Cold – Ally Carter

The Blonde Who Came in from the Cold – 5/5 ✩

Truly, I don’t even know where to begin. This book was brilliant. Ally Carter is sensational! Once again, she has delivered romance and mystery fans alike with a masterpiece! If I could give it more than 5 stars, I would. I would give it all the stars.

Told from dual POVs in dual timelines, The Blonde Who Came in from the Cold by Ally Carter is the follow-up to The Blonde Identity. This book follows Alex Sterling, a magnificent spy and the twin sister of the main character in The Blonde Identity.

The romance, the LONGING, the LOVE in this book…  Ally truly knows how to create characters you love and builds connections between them like no other author I’ve ever read. The complexities amongst these characters and the ways they see right through each other, down to their very core, is so special. Other than The Blonde Identity, I’ve never read a piece of writing where I felt so moved by the narration and the observations these characters make about each other as they interact. It just speaks to how skilled Ally Carter is as a writer.

Beyond the characters, the story kept me engaged the. whole. time. Just when you think the twists are over in this novel… They just keep coming.

Ally, keep doing what you’re doing. I will always be a fan. From YA to now, each piece you’ve created has been masterful. Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins Publishers for the advance reader’s e-proof in exchange for an honest review.

And stay tuned once The Blonde Who Came in from the Cold is released because I have SO much more to say about both The Blonde Identity and The Blonde Who Came in from the Cold but I don’t want to spoil anything before pub day!

The Summers Between Us – Noreen Nanja

The Summers Between Us – 5/5 ✩

I genuinely loved every moment of this book; I truly can’t recommend it enough! If you’re a fan of Love and Other Words and Every Summer After, this book is definitely for you.

Told through alternating timelines of present day and five special summers in Lia and Wes’ lives, The Summers Between Us is the story of how Lia and Wes met, fell in love, were torn apart, and are brought back together.

The story focuses on the importance of your own happiness, the impact of family, and what it means to love. This book had me laughing, crying, and on the edge of my seat waiting to see how their love story played out. I simply couldn’t put the book down and will be recommending this book to anyone who will listen.

The character development and the beauty of Lia and Wes’ love is going to stick with me and I think if someone is looking for a book to kick off the summer, this the perfect place to start.

Thank you to NetGalley for the Digital Galley in exchange for an honest review!

Bad Publicity – Bianca Gillam

Bad Publicity – 5/5 ✩

Bad Publicity by Bianca Gillam is a stellar example of the much loved enemies to lovers trope, but where some enemies to lovers novels fall flat, Gillam’s novel had so much depth.

In the book, Andie has landed her dream job, but the downside… She’s forced to work with Jack Carlson, a former classmate from university. While on a book tour together through Europe, Jack edges his way back under her skin, in good ways and bad, and their reunion begs the question: can their professional relationship withstand their entire trip to Europe, especially when that means facing what happened back at university?

What I loved so much about this novel was the dynamic between Andie and Jack. Together, there were fireworks between these characters. They made each other better, but they also had the power to bring out the worst as well. And while they worked so well together and kept the novel’s plot moving, they also stood so strongly on their own.

Both Andie and Jack – but especially Andie – had such strong backstories that even the moments we saw where these two characters were not together, still felt just as important as the ones where they were together. I especially loved pealing back Andie’s layers and learning more of who she is as a person; her backstory left me in tears at some moments and seeing her growth throughout the story made me feel so proud of her by the end.

And Jack… If you love a golden retriever boyfriend, meet Jack Carlson. I don’t have enough good things to say about his character. While Andie had moments where she could (understandably) be infuriating, Jack always knew the thing to say or do.

I think what stands out so much about Gillam’s novel is that you love the romance just as much as you love seeing the characters grow. Some novels have only romance or only character development, and I think this novel was so expertly driven by both of these things.

Can’t recommend it enough! Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin for providing me with the proof in exchange for an honest review!

Also… any Dawson’s Creek fans out there? Andie? Jack? Just gave me a little giggle seeing these two names together.

The Usual Family Mayhem – HelenKay Dimon

The Usual Family Mayhem – 5/5 ✩

The Usual Family Mayhem by HelenKay Dimon is a fast paced, cozy mystery romance centered around Kasey Nottingham and her family. While trying to save her job, Kasey travels back home and immediately gets caught in the middle of what she worries could be a family scandal and is reminded of what it feels like to be back with the man (she denies) she loves.

The family dynamics in this book were unmatched; Dimon knows how to create characters that you love and hate and truly has a gift at making each of her characters unique and distinguishable from one another.

I loved the narration in this novel as well. Kasey was such a fun and witty narrator and I absolutely loved her commentary as she interacted with those around her.

Her romance with Jackson was also such a strong point in this novel. These two characters balanced each other out perfectly, and if you’re looking for a book where the male character is willing to fight for the woman he loves, this is the book for you. I loved how real their relationship felt and I might have even found a new book boyfriend to add to the ever-growing list. With dialogue like this – “When it comes to you I know exactly what I think and feel. And I’m sure as hell not going to wait another ten years to kiss you again.” – how could you not fall for him?

I will absolutely be recommending this book!

Thanks NetGalley and HarperCollins Publishers for the Advanced Reader’s e-proof in exchange for an honest review!